Wildlife Week: In Which I Encounter Wildlife Where It's Not Supposed to Be Today's Post: You Will Not Believe Your Eyes!

Oh, man, I still can’t believe it. I thought it was a sonic boom. You know, you live in Florida you get used to hearing that twin boom, with the space shuttle landing and all, but I didn’t have time to reason it out before I heard the next one. The huge cypress tree I stood by shook; bushes rattled nearby, and squirrels fell off branches all around me. Boom! Another tremor shot up my legs from the ground.

What the . . .


I screamed but no sound came out. The camera fell from my hands. The dinosaur waded through the river, craning his neck to and fro. I knew what he was after. I knew what he wanted. And I remembered what Church Lady and Christy Lenzi told me. I grabbed my camera and ran into the muck.

“Right here!” I yelled. I twisted my watch and directed a sun beam into his eyes.

He stopped. Without moving his head, he slid his eye and looked straight at me.

“Yeah, that’s right,” I yelled, thumping my chest. “Grade A Beef! Come on!” I flicked my hand like Keanu Reeves. “Come on!” My heart was almost busting through my chest, but I repeated my mantra: I must enter the animal’s space, and he mine. This was the photo op of a lifetime.

He swooped his neck down and faced me. My heart pounded so hard it was breaking my ribs. The dinosaur smelled like an old aquarium. His nostrils were each as big as boulders. This was it—my final moment. I raised the camera. Then, like a wine connoisseur, he sniffed me, almost ripping the hair off my head.

He swung back up and lumbered through the river. About twenty yards down, he stopped and nibbled off some treetops.

Ah, brontosaurus. I nodded to myself. The friendly vegan. I ran through the trees and fired off this shot before he disappeared.

I’ve been to the local university, the veterinarians, and the science museum. They all think my husband Photoshopped the dinosaur into the picture. “But look at the reflection in the water!” I argued. “Look at the scale!” I tried to convince them to bring equipment and look for footprints in the riverbed, but they said words like mental and loony.

No one believed me. One guy even showed me how he Photoshopped himself into a picture with Lindsay Lohan. But the light in the photo reflected differently on him than on Lindsay. His picture’s obviously a fake.

I’ve been back to the river; everything looks the same. There’s no trace of the dinosaur, no proof that he was ever there. Nothing.

Except for this picture.


Danette V. said...

Hee-Hee! I enjoyed Wildlife Week but I have to say today's is the best.

Danette V.

Ello said...

Ha! Great pic!

Kathleen Frassrand said...

OK. Really. All I can say is LOL!! Too flippin' funny. And your descriptions were just beautiful! I LOVE that he smelled like an old aquarium. Just BRILLIANT...

Church Lady said...

Danette, you are too flippin' funny!!!
Thanks for the laugh! I LOVE your photos, and your quirky writing ;-)

Linda D. (sbk) said...

Too funny! :D

Danette Haworth said...

Thanks, Danette and Ello!

Kathleen, Church Lady, and Linda,
Glad you got a laugh out of it! (I did too, once I realized he wasn't going to eat me.)

Virginia Lee said...

Once upon a time, about fifteen or so years ago, I worked at the Memphis Zoo. My job? Well, I was a DinoGuide! I took groups of people to be eaten, erm, to look at the zoo's exhibit, Dinosaurs LIVE!

The best day was when thirty or so Elvis tribute artists came through during Dead Elvis Week. Alas, I missed it for I was off that day.


BTW, it's good to know where the dinos ended up. Florida has lots of snacks for them, I'm sure...

elysabeth said...

I have to say the pics are great. If this was done on a digital camera why not just show them the camera and then how could they say it was doctored with photoshop or whatever?

I agree your pics have been fun - but your titles are so long that it cuts of the first couple of line of the commment or the postings - it's really weird - fun pictures though - thanks for sharing - E :)

Brenda said...

LOL...you are soooo funny...I love the pic...and I believe you...I know you wouldn't fake a photo just for the glory...grin...

You tell a wonderful story and I so have enjoyed your wildlife week...

courtney said...

Words could not do justice to how much I enjoyed this entry. It cracked me up (& the theme to Jurassic Park can't stop running through my head)!

Sheri said...

I say send it to Oprah! This is so obviously not a doctored photo.

What kind of professionals do they think they are. Really?

Danette Haworth said...

I would have loved to see Parade O' Elvis! Gosh, if I'm really lucky, I'll get a snapshot of him somewhere!

BTW, thank you for your comment on the cat story!

Danette Haworth said...

Glad you enjoyed the pic!

Another believer! So good in this world of doubters!

I'm glad you got a laugh out of this story, I mean, true account of what really happened at the river. Thanks!

OMG! You are so right! I believe this is right up Oprah's alley, and she would definitely believe me and my photo. Thanks for the breakthrough idea regarding my photo! My people (me) will call her people today! Look for me on the next Oprah!

Rachel said...

What an adventure! I'm so glad you survived the encounter. :)

Writerperson said...

Really hilarious! I too applaud that "old aquarium" description. I can totally smell it.

KYCatsfan92253 said...

Bono, the lead singer of the band, U2, is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.
At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he
asked the audience for total quiet.
Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his
hands, once every few seconds.
Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone, "Every time I clap my hands, a child
in Africa dies."

A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front
of the crowd pierced the quiet. . ...

"Well, stop doin it then, ya evil basturd!"

Sent by Stephen Parrish's "Cousin Mike." Thought you and your readers might enjoy this, Danette.

Danette Haworth said...

Cousin Mike,

Blasphemy! Total blasphemy!

I remember reading a similar story in an Archie comic book. It went something like this:

Mrs. Grundy said, "Every time I breathe, someone in the world dies."

Reggie or Archie muttered, "Why don't you use some mouthwash then?"