I know it looks like I escaped a knife attack, but

My arms look like I've run through briars at high speed or like I have defense wounds from fending off a knife attack.

Neighbor: Hi Da--what happened to your arm? (Note: This was before other arm was utilized.)
Me: Oh, we have a new puppy.

Husband: You really need to put something on those, like Neosporin.
Me: I already did.

Kid in neighborhood: You need to scream really loud to make her stop when she does that.
Me: I am already doing that naturally.

I had an epiphany the other day: The dog ate my homework is true. I saw her do it as I applied BandAids to my arms.