I Went to College and it was okay

I Went to College and it was okay is like Diary of a Wimpy Kid for adults. I first discovered it in a used bookstore and gave it to my brother, but I liked it so much, I ordered one for myself. Using black and white stick figures, Scott Dikkers captures the sense of being on your own for the first time--that sort of lost, sort of curious, sort of I-know-what-I'm-doing feeling. Much of the book depicts non-events, which it what gives it that familiar feeling, the feeling of trying to put shape to shapeless days. A very pleasant excursion through "Jim's" first two years at college.

In Which I Bypass a Bad Driver and Receive Prizes

It's going to be a great day!

First off, I was stuck behind a guy who apparently drives while talking on his cell phone and using his console as a desk. His car floated left and right, crossing over the lines and those bumpy reflector lights. There was a mile of empty blacktop in front of him, but this was a single, no-passing road.

After watching him weeble-wobble down the road, I pined after that long, free stretch in front of him. Then I passed him using the acceleration ramp on the right! Ha! I am a rebel today! My music was loud and I drove fast. Then I received a phone call that something I was concerned about is hundred percent okay, and if that wasn't good enough, I found prizes from WOW! on my doorstep!

Look at the bounty! A shout out to WOW! Women on Writing and Angela Mackintosh for their support, encouragement, and for their wonderful website. And a shout out to God because I am grateful for the health of my kids.

It's a beautiful day!

It's Already Wednesday

When you have Monday off, all the other days are off too. I had to put the timer on to remind myself to leave on time, but when it started beeping, I was eating my lunch and thought it had something to do with my food. I turned it off. It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I realized I had to leave. Do you think that was the holiday effect or was that due to my insomnia-induced short circuitry? Or perhaps the newspaper I was reading was so scintillating I couldn't tear myself away, you know, For Better or Worse, Zits, and LuAnn. We also get Ann Landers, but I really like Carolyn Hax's advice column, "Tell Me About It."

* * * * *

By the way, don't forget to stop by Ello's blog. She's interviewed Dr. Gigi Durham, author of The Lolita Effect, The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What we can Do About It. Interesting conversation going on over there.

Two Old Ladies Go Into the Woods

I was visiting Big Tree Park* and as the path narrowed, I found myself behind two old ladies going into the woods. It seemed rude to pass them, so I stayed a distance behind--a distance I closed up when their hoary heads bent together and they began to speak.

What do old ladies speak of? I imagined it would be like those commercials, Herb died. Poor Stella, their insurance didn't cover the coffin. She buried him in a pine box without his teeth. I picked up my step, sneaky-like, so they wouldn't notice me. Here's what I heard:

Old Lady #1: What would you do if he had a gun?

Old Lady #2: I don't know.

Old Lady #1: If a guy with a gun came up to me and said, "Your money or your life!" I'd say "Then take my life--I'm saving my money!"

Much laughter ensued, and I walked behind, delighted in the secret life of old ladies.

*Yes, there is a big tree in Big Tree Park. In fact, there are two. "The Senator" is a 3500-year-old bald cypress standing 118 feet. It used to be taller, but a hurricane cracked off the top. Standing nearby at 89 feet is "Lady Liberty," a 2000-year-old bald cypress. Want to see pictures? Click here and scroll.

Miss Snark Day

Today we gather at Patricia Wood's blog to pay homage to Miss Snark, who retired a year ago. Rumor has it she'll be making appearances ala Elvis, so check it out--you may glimpse the infamous stilettos.

The Cover for Violet Raines is Here

Hooray! It's here! This is the cover for Violet Raines Almost Got Struck by Lightning. Hooray! The designer, Daniel Roode, really captured the spirit of the book. I can't wait to post this everywhere!

Interviewed by WOW Magazine

This weekend, I was interviewed by WOW! Magazine's warm and wonderful Angela Mackintosh. Angela is the editor and CEO of WOW! and just an all-around great person. I've enjoyed reading her interviews with other writers because they seem so natural and conversational, and I felt the same way as I answered her questions. Click here to read the interview.

If you've never visited WOW! Magazine, let me say it's a good site to add to your favorites. Every month, new articles on the craft and business of writing are added, and the site hosts a quarterly flash fiction contest, which is judged by qualified readers: the last contest was judged by literary agent Kristin Nelson; this quarter's contest will be judged by literary agent Wendy Sherman. Want to get acquainted with an agent? This is a good way to do it. There's even an option for critique.

I've enjoyed this website for more than a year, so it was an honor to break in.

Query Shark

Thanks to Editorial Anonymous, I've discovered a blog that critiques queries--Query Shark, a blog featuring query critiques by literary agent Janet Reid. (More than one commenter has wondered about the Snark connection.) Lots of insight in these critiques, check it out.

Jacquelyn Mitchard Featured in Parade Magazine

Author Jacquelyn Mitchard was featured in yesterday's Parade Magazine.

I didn't know much about this author until I read her article. Then I tracked down her website and read her bio. Quick recap: She wrote her first book, The Deep End of the Ocean, while in her 30s and sold it after she turned 40. First book. Here's the part that amazes me: The copyright date of that first book is 1996. JM's website now boasts thirteen books, spanning genres from picture book to adult. And she has seven children. And she mends their clothing--yes, that's right--with a needle and thread.

And she blogs, travels, and writes articles.

She sews . . . oh my gosh, how does she do it all?

Funny, Weird, or Scary Signs #5

I'm trying to capture an alligator for you,

but all I spot are these signs.
.

Behind a Sunday Driver on Monday

Dear Sunday Driver who was in front of me Monday on a single lane, no passing road:

It wasn't your fault I was late for an appointment as we drove along that road. That’s why instead of tailgating you, I kept a safe and courteous distance from the back of your car. But I wanted to fly over your vehicle or bump you out of my way.

The many speed limit signs we passed bore this number: 30. The number my speedometer hit while following you: 20. That’s thirty-three percent less than the allowed acceleration! Bet you’ve never gotten a speeding ticket. I know I never will as long as I am behind you.

In Which I Receive an Invitation of Sorts

Him: If we go on another field trip, I want you to come.

Me: Aww. . . [sniff, sniff]_I would love to come.

Him: Yeah, 'cause then you could bring my DS Lite in your purse like K's mom did.

In Which I Ride a Ripstik

I first saw a Ripstik last year in a sporting store. "What good is this?" I said to my companions. "A skateboard with two wheels--who can ride it?" After giving it a good harrumphing, we walked away.

Since that time, Ripstiks have become popular in my neighborhood. Everyone has one. So I hang out on the edge, waiting for a lull in the action. "Can I try that?" I ask.

"Sure," they say. I give them popsicles. They give me pointers.

Skateboards are old school compared to the Ripstik, or "caster board," which is the generic term. Caster boards are comprised of two independent boards connected by a pole that allows the boards to pivot in opposite directions. The proper stance is sideways, as on a snowboard; to move forward, you press one foot down (toes down) and the other foot up (heel down). Moving your feet like this causes the front wheel to move in a direction opposite of the back wheel, producing forward motion. Initially, I felt like I'd fall and crack my head open. But now--

I CAN DO IT!

Not well--not yet--but give me time! I love this thing! It's fun and challenging and different from anything I've ever done. No matter I am the only woman out in the street on a Ripstik; I'm shredding up the pavement.

I can hear you now: Danette, you totally rock! Or maybe you're saying, Danette, you are the village idiot.

And I just have one thing to say to both statements: I know, right!

Published in Writers' Journal!

My short romance, "Playdate," is published in the May/June 2008 issue of Writers' Journal. Page thirty-two!

I'm off to buy 5 10 all the copies left in the bookstore.

Spiders, Dragonflies, and Otters

I went out back to fill up the birdfeeder this morning, and the lawn was covered with these little webs; it looked like an aerial bombardment of spiders had taken place and all that remained were their little parachutes. As I tried to take the picture, A DF-75 (dragonfly in 75 degree heat) hummed right over my head and made me duck. The whole ordeal was quite treacherous.

If you click on this photo, you can see how pretty the beaded dew looks.

After coming in and properly slapping off my ankles, I searched for spiders on the Internet. I felt like they were crawling all over me with their long legs and their bad intentions. (Though a certain website told me that I'd have to work awfully hard to get bit by this spider--a grass spider.)

In other news, the other day, an otter--yes! a real otter--slipped across the road with a big catfish in its mouth. He appeared to amble, but he made good time, cutting behind my house and disappearing into the woods. I couldn't believe I'd seen him. Up to then, I thought my husband was teasing me, trying to make me jealous with his otter-sightings. Next time, I'll try to have the camera ready.

Family Portrait

Growing up, my family was always on a tight budget. My father was an Air Force man and we were all proud of him when he made recruiter. As part of the recruiting effort, the Air Force sent us to a local photographer to be photographed as a family; we’d show everyone what a happy Air Force family looked like. The real bonus was that we would receive our own large print.

My mom was thrilled at the prospect of having a real family portrait done. That morning, she fussed over our hair, curling and combing and hair spraying us. Even my brothers looked good. My mother of course was the real beauty. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen her look so beautiful as she did that day, coming down the stairs shyly with my father, who was all decked out in his dress uniform. What a good looking family!

The mood lasted until we tried to get into the car. Four kids, two window seats. The boys started hitting each other in their quest for the window. “Stop it!” Dad yelled.

The studio was only a short distance away, but it was a hot day and the station wagon had no air conditioning. Now we argued about the windows. My sister and I had long hair and didn’t want it messed up by the wind; the boys were hot and wanted the windows down. “The windows stay up!” Mom snapped.

A long line of other families greeted us. We tried our best to be good, but it was a long wait. By the time they were ready for us, we were no longer ready for them. They assembled us into our positions and snap! That was it--one shot. We drove home tired and quiet.

When the portrait arrived weeks later, Mom sat at the kitchen table and opened it. “Oh, my gosh! We look like The Munsters!” The four of us kids scrambled to the table to see what she meant. It was true. Our faces were grim, our mouths straight lines. We stood stoically, especially my dad, who seemed to be arching his back and tilting up his head. Mom slipped the portrait back into its envelope. It was never displayed in our house.

As the years went by, we’d think about that photo. “Remember the monster picture?” we’d say to each other. “Yeah, where is it Mom?” We’d be laughing even before she returned with the print. “Look at Dad!” we’d squeal, pointing to his stiff posture and the strange way he held his head. “He was trying to look taller!” Mom would roar. We’d break up laughing, and laugh some more, staring at our own somber little freckle-faces. That unflattering, never-displayed portrait became a cherished, full-of-good-memories family keepsake.

Book Promotion, Your Brain is Fat, and A Thought on Nose Blowing

Sarah Prineas has an excellent series of posts discussing the impact of self promotion. To read the first post and comments, click here.

In other news, yesterday's Parade Magazine ran the Ask Marilyn column, in which Marilyn states that the human brain is 66% fat. So don't go on a diet--you might lose brain cells! And if the other thing is true--we only use 10% of our brains--that means we are only using 10% of 33% of our actual brain. That's only three hundredths of our gray matter! I guess there's no laughing at the dinosaurs and their peanut-sized brains now.

Also, there's a guy who makes $25,000 as a competitive eater. We could be making money for something we already do.

And finally, our paper's food critic says what I've been telling people for years: "If you must blow your nose, leave the table to do it."

My Flash Fiction Placed in WOW! Women on Writing ezine Flash Contest

I checked the WOW! Women on Writing site today and discovered my flash fiction had placed third in the WOW! Flash Fiction Contest. Hooray! Click here and scroll down for "Intersection."

Danette Haworth and Violet Raines have a Website!

The website for Danette Haworth (me!) and Violet Raines Almost Got Struck by Lightning went live last night! Some pages are "coming soon," but the main pages are up and working. I don't have a cover yet, but the site does include an excerpt from Violet Raines. And a little about me.

Come visit! Danette Haworth or Violet Raines--both roads lead to my new house.

I'll be adjusting the blogs, too, might change the look of Summer Friend to match the website. And I'll shut down the Danette Haworth blog now that the site's open.

Come on over, then, and tell me what you think!

Violet Raines is on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Borders!

I almost fell out of my chair after performing my daily ritual of searching for my book's title, Violet Raines Almost Got Struck by Lightning--Violet Raines is listed on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, and Borders!

And I received the galleys today!

And I've been blurbed!

I'm not able to share the cover yet, but I am excited to quote two wonderful authors who took time from their own schedules to read my book. Here's what they had to say:

"Danette Haworth has written a wonderful story that is as warm and bright as the Florida sun, and eleven-year-old Violet Raines--loyal, hilarious, and true--is the best friend any girl could have."
Lauren Tarshis, Emma-Jean Lazarus Fell Out of a Tree

"Haworth's rich sense of place and telling detail embrace the reader like a hammock on a shaded porch, inviting them to while away the day. Danette Haworth creates characters so real they stand out on the page. They tell a story of friendship on the cusp of adolescence so full of spunk and humor I read more slowly as I approached the last page. This is a lovely debut."
Audrey Couloumbis, Newbery Honor winner, Getting Near to Baby

Comedian Brian Regan Talks About Reading, Writing, and Books

Two-Book Deals

A couple of Blueboarders recently snagged two-book deals--on their debut! Check out these exciting posts and feel the excitement!

One book and seven years' writing turned into an "outstanding offer" in a two-book deal for author Angie Frazier. Read all about it here. Congratulations, Angie!

L.K. Madigan posted her two-book deal in this blog entry. Way to go, L.K.!

All right! Now back to work, writers!

Thoughts on Mick Jagger and Other Tidbits from Parade Magazine

Parade Magazine and the Style section (which includes the books reviews) accompany my little donut and cappuccino every Sunday morning.

Mick Jagger graced this weekend's cover. Make all the old-guy jokes you want to--this guy's still cooking. I watched a documentary on VH1 in which Mick took the reporter into a room in his house that contained tapes of all the Stones' recordings. The walls were lined with boxed reels.

The reporter commented that Mick must be very proud when he enters that room, to which Mick responded something like, "Well, I'm not like . . . " and then he puffed out his chest like a rooster.

On the trailer for Shine a Light, the new Stones' rockumentary, a clip shows Martin Scorsese sitting at a desk when Mick calls. Mick expresses concern over Scorsese's use of cameras, particularly one that "swoops over the audience" and around the stage. He said he thought that would be annoying to the audience.

Humor and attention to detail--I like those qualities; I guess I never thought of someone like Mick Jagger being sort of like a regular person. Though I do not listen to the Stones, the film looks interesting. I especially think it's funny when Scorsese is totally stressed because the Stones won't pin down the set list for him.

No-Guilt Desserts--I didn't even read this article. No-guilt means the same as no fat, which equates to no flavor.

I did not know that Ping-Pong is an active trademark--did you?

The magazine closes with a feature on John Krasinski, who plays Jim on The Office. Apparently, his original goal was to be a scriptwriter, but another writer told him to go for acting instead, saying, "Don't even try making it as a writer. It's too tough."

Geez, now you tell me.

A Small Gesture Changes Everything

As I passed a side road today, I glimpsed a woman sitting on the sidewalk, legs splayed out. A group of ladies stood in a close circle in front of her.

Just exercising, I thought. After all, they were near a gym and they all had shorts on.

But then something happened, something small happened that caused me to see the scene a different way: One of the ladies leaned down and put her hand on the woman's shoulder. Though I was half a block away, the compassion in that gesture was clear.

Among other things, it made me think how powerful a single gesture can be in our writing. In the scene above, a little gesture transformed friends exercising together into women concerned for a hurt friend. I was amazed when I thought about the impact of that one small movement.

We probably all use this concept instinctively in our writing, but seeing it in action and recognizing it enables us to use it deliberately and with precision. We can build a scene and then with one swift movement, lade it with meaning.

Orlando Has Clean Air!

We have the mouse, we have the whale, and now we have clean air! According to a recent Yahoo! article, Orlando took fourth place in the list of US cities with the cleanest air. Oh yeah! O-town rules! Listen, I've got no swampland, but for a small fee, I will send you a vial of our fresh air. You cannot get this stuff anywhere else. (Well, maybe three other places. If you live in those three other places, I am not talking about you.) Hurry now, supplies may be limited.

Doing Donuts and Time

One winter up north, snow fell for three days. My friends and I were tired of being cooped up.; we decided to go out for lattes. We loaded into my car, an old beater that was as strong as a tank. I drove cautiously on the ice-slicked roads, and we admired the white branches and icicles on houses as we passed.

It was early yet; there were hardly any cars in the plaza when we arrived. I still don’t know what came over me, but I pressed the accelerator and raced to the empty side of the parking lot.
“Danette!” my friends squealed. Expertly, I cranked the wheel hard to the left. Whee! We spun around in a sharp donut. Hitting the gas again, I cranked the wheel to the right. We screamed in delight—even me—the thrill of almost losing control overtaking me. I hadn’t lost the technique I’d perfected in high school. Laughing, I whipped the car around a few more times, and then decelerated to a demure fifteen mph to park in front of the coffee shop.

But a policeman stopped me before I got to my spot.

“You endangered other people and vehicles,” he admonished as he wrote me a ticket for careless driving.

A ticket? “I’m going to fight this,” I said.

He nodded. Apparently he’d heard this before.

When my day in court came, I sat in the judge’s chambers trying to look like the law abiding citizen I was. “But it was private property, and that parking lot was basically empty,” I wheedled. “Besides, it was an accident.” Okay, I don’t know how that slipped out, but I still didn't think doing donuts meant doing time (or even getting a ticket).

The judge frowned and flipped through the paperwork. She looked directly at me. “The officer reports that the driver and passengers could be seen smiling and laughing through the windshield.”

My mouth opened and closed. I drove carefully home after paying my fine and taking my points.

Bottom line: You can go out for coffee, but don’t do donuts.

The Blustery Day

It's a wonderfully windy day. The huge puddle in the unconstructed lot has whitecaps. A gust of wind pushed me into Target. (Okay, I was headed there anyway, but still!) Leaves skittered down the road in front of me in such multitude, it was a leaf marathon.

I love this kind of day.

Funny, Weird, or Scary Signs #4

More than flowers at the local nursery.

U23D

The world's greatest rock band received a meager attendance this Saturday at my local theater. My husband and I and four other couples had the place to ourselves when we donned our funky glasses for U23D. The hype promised me I'd feel like I was right there; I loved the film, but 3D didn't bring it for me.

Before anyone eggs my blog, let me state for the record I LOVE U2. I would enjoy their rockumentary in any D--my DVR is set to record all things U2 and Bono (which is how I caught Chastity Bono on Sell This House)--I'm just saying that the 3D effect didn't heighten my experience.

Settling into the beginning of the movie was the same as trying to see a 3D figure emerge from those weird prints in the 1990s. There weren't any affectations for the movie, which I was glad of; it was pure U2. I liked seeing common things, like Larry Mullen Jr.'s iced tea in a glass near his right elbow and a handwritten note taped to the top of Edge's keyboard. In fact, I would have liked to have seen more of this kind of detail. Who handed Bono his bandanna? Who kept refilling Larry's tea? What were they doing right before the show and where did they run to right after? Inquiring fans want to know!

The perspective from the stage was outstanding. Looking at the number of people in the audience and knowing that not one of them was a computer-generated being was overwhelming. Cell phones held in the air caused the arena to look like a perfect night filled with stars. (Sidenote: I once went to a concert where the couple in front of me had no cell phone or lighter. They lit paper matches and held them till the matches burned down to their fingers.)

Audience members' hands seemed to be right in front of me. I hate when anything obscures my vision--like those annoying girls who sit on guys' shoulders. You never see guys doing that. At least, that's what I thought until the film showed three bare-chested guys sitting on top of other guys' shoulders, swinging their shirts around, belting out the words. Wherever Bono went, hands stretched out to him, even from ten or fifteen people deep. At times, the people on the floor ebbed and flowed, like tides in the ocean. I can only imagine what it was like to have been there.

The show ended with Yahweh, a reflective, prayerful song. We stayed (and so did those eight other people) until all the credits rolled. No clips at the end. Just the feeling of wanting more.

Tagged! I'm Reading Bartlett's Familiar Quotations

CJ Ray has tagged me with a most creative meme: I must grab the closest book with more than 123 pages, turn to page 123, go five sentences down, and provide the next three sentences here.

How fortuitous that Bartlett's tome sits nearby; a book on bodily functions occupied a nearer space yesterday.

Here are the words from the required quadrant:

Modestus said of Regulus that he was "the biggest rascal that walks upon two legs."

There is nothing to write about, you say. Well then, write and let me know just this--that there is nothing to write about; or tell me in the good old style if you are well. That's right, I am quite well.

* * *

I included a bonus sentence because I like the flip voice of the speaker.

My tag is open--if you like this meme, show us what you've got!

In other news, Stephen Parrish gave me an E for excellence blog award. Thank you, Stephen! I'll add it to my sidebar.

Being noted for excellence is an inspiration to aspire to greater heights. I want to achieve excellence in all my endeavors. I want to be all I can be. Oh, wait, that's the Army. Get an Edge on Life, that's the Army, too, but the other slogan, Be All You Can Be is better. Here are a few more:

It's not just a job. It's an adventure! Navy slogan. I give it an E for excellent!
The Few. The Proud. Marine Slogan. SC for super cool!
Aim High. Air Force. O for okay.
Be Part of the Action. Coast Guard. B for boring. There's gotta be something better than that. Post your alternative in the comments!