One of my favorite FL comedians!
Preacher Jovan Lawson notices an important omission in how women work out. Here he is, developing the bit at Diverse Word, but it's already perfect! Preacher, I can't wait to see your inevitable Comedy Central Special!
(Filmed w iPhone, Diverse Word open mic, host: Shawn Welcome; every Tuesday @ 7:30pm, Dandelion Communitea Cafe)
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One of my favorite FL comedians!
I love my kids.
Some time ago, when my friends and I were young mothers, we bemoaned the constant monitoring we had to do, keeping our toddlers from jumping off couches, climbing unsteady structures, darting across the road, etc.
An older friend interjected, saying she wished it were still the days in which all she had to was worry about the physical safety of her son (in his teens).
"How do I protect him now--how do I protect him from peer pressure or low self esteem? How do I do that?"
She was right on the money. These intangible hazards are far more dangerous than the physical injuries from which we early on protect our children. Parenting today is harder than ever before, with the ubiquity of the Internet (phones, tablets, laptops) and its easy access to questionable content.
Parents can no longer be gatekeepers. Yet we don't want to deny children access to the very technology that is a daily part of academic and professional life. Therefore, it becomes imperative for us as parents to establish a true foundation, something our children can rely on when they encounter problematic cyberspace content without parental guidance:
"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).
Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man cometh unto the Father but through me" (John 14:6).
Therefore, train up your child in Jesus, and as your child journeys through this life, he will not depart from Jesus, the truth, or Life with our Father, who art in Heaven.
Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake ’s teaching.
Posted by Danette Haworth on Sunday, May 10, 2015
My holiday season has never been easier. My kitchen was ripped out in September--and has only now been put back together--and my downstairs carpet will be ripped out a few days before Christmas to have new carpet reinstalled. This construction is due to a major leak discovered late summer.
Again, my holiday season has never been easier! I mean it! This year, I didn't--COULDN'T--cook for Thanksgiving. Christmas--I can't decorate downstairs because EVERYTHING has to be moved off the carpet a couple of days before Christmas. (There is a landing upstairs where I will put a small tree and the presents--a Christmas corner, if you will.)
No mess & no stress,
This season's a success!
Posted by Danette Haworth on Tuesday, December 09, 2014
So I just read an article that stated the inhabitants of old Scotland probably had as the mainstay of their diet meat and marine fish. What? asks I. Aren't all fish marine, as in, "of the water?"
Then technical writer DH appeared on my shoulder. "Remember materiel," she whispered in my ear.
How well I do remember materiel. On my first day as a technical writer--while still a student!--my boss plopped a 500 page technical report from the Army. "Edit this," he said.
I stared at that technical ream of paper in fear. What did I know of Army things? "This is what you're going to school for. You can do this," one of my inside voices said. I picked up my red pen and started reading. (In later months, I would switch to #2 pencil--the red pen made me feel as if I were yelling.)
A few pages in, I came across the word "materiel." My hand swiped up, my wrist cocked, but I held my fire. I knew only the material on my back or the materials needed for an art project, but this was a brave new world I was entering--a world wherein "materiel" might be a word. I cracked open my new Merriam-Webster and found materiel somewhere after material but before mateship. Glad was I, having harkened the internal editor, and gladder still for not having made an embarrassing edit on my first day.
Not all fish are marine fish; marine fish are saltwater fish, as opposed to fresh water fish. I will rest easy tonight with this new knowledge.
Posted by Danette Haworth on Friday, July 25, 2014
Hello all! It's another dreary day here in the Sunshine State. I like to tell people we have only two seasons: hot, and hot and rainy. Do not visit THE MOUSE in summer! You'll likely be drenched to the bone, then frozen by the AC. (That's when they swap you out for an aminatron, ala Stepford Wives). And when it's not raining, the heat and the humidity will press you right down to a smear on the concrete, which The Mouse's minions will wipe up and dispose of before anyone notices you're missing.
Now to the subject at hand: My website is down. This is a problem for me because I wanted to update my school visit schedule. Because I don't know how soon the site will be back up, I wanted to let you know I have begun to book visits for next school year. Twenty-minute Skype visits are free to groups who've read my work. If you'd like me to visit in person, I have a variety of presentations and I also provide writing workshops for students who want to polish or publish their work.
If you're interested in having me visit, send me a message! My email address is dhaworthbooks at yahoo dot com.
Posted by Danette Haworth on Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Goodreads has selected Anna M. from London to receive a free, signed hardcover of my fourth novel, A WHOLE LOT OF LUCKY!
Posted by Danette Haworth on Monday, March 31, 2014
You don't even have to be female to enter the WOW! Spring 2014 Flash Fiction Contest sponsored by WOW! Women on Writing--you just have to write your best 750 words or less and pay a ten dollar entry fee (additional ten dollars for critique).
I've entered several of their contests, placed and not placed, and I highly recommend not only the contest, but the website itself. When I started writing seriously in 2007, I discovered Wow! Women on Writing,and I felt I'd found friends, people to whom I could learn from and whose words encouraged me.
If you've never visited their site, you've got a lot of good stuff waiting for you. Check out current articles and contests, and don't forget to pore through the archives. This is the kind of website that makes you feel as though you are in the company of friends.
Good luck, and have a great day!
Posted by Danette Haworth on Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Titles--heartache city! The title must do everything a synopsis or query does: grab the reader, provide a summary, and hint at the action yet to come. A lot of time goes into working up a good title, and it's not just the author's work, either. The editor, the editor's coworkers, and sales and marketing all have their say; everyone's input must be considered.
Titles cooked up and rejected for A WHOLE LOT OF LUCKY:
- Two Flavors of Lucky
- The Year of My Magnificent Luckiness
- Three Million Dollar Girl
- The Duplicitous Luckiness of Hailee Richardson
- Lucky Me
- Impossibly Possibly Lucky
- Hailee Richardson, Girl Millionaire
My sister suggested "A Whole Lotto Lucky," and the powers that be loved her suggestion! With a bit of morphing, my sister's words became A WHOLE LOT OF LUCKY.
Now you can try your luck without all the heartache my editor and I went through! For a free, signed hardcover of A WHOLE LOT OF LUCKY, just enter the Goodreads contest!
Posted by Danette Haworth on Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Kirkus Reviews pinned a nice, big, blue star on A Whole Lot of Lucky, so what are you waiting around here for? Enter now at Goodreads!
Posted by Danette Haworth on Monday, March 17, 2014
So many of us are grieving the death of someone close to us.
Grief comes in waves, receding, then roaring back to engulf us and batter us till we feel the tide might take us out and we will never return. It's not wrong to grieve. When recounting the scene of Jesus approaching the burial site of his good friend Lazarus, John tells us simply, "Jesus wept" (11:35). Jesus wept. It's the shortest verse in the Bible and it needs no explanation. I'm thinking today of my family and the family of John Wilbanks. I'm thinking of Rodney Wilbanks and his sister and brothers. I'm thinking of my daughter, Brooke Haworth, for whom the loss has hit hard. My mom, whose grief is a weight pressing down on her.
I am thinking of my close friend, Sima Taylor, her wonderful brother, Mohammad Mojdehi, whom she was so close to. I'm thinking of her daughter and her husband, Peter.
I am thinking of my own brother who died too early, and whose death brings daily grief to me.
I am thinking of Shannon Hitchcock and all the friends of Cynthia Chapman Willis, who recently succumbed to lung cancer.
God knows your grief and he cares about you.
This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you (2 Kings 20:5).
You have kept record of my days of wandering. You have stored my tears in your bottle and counted each of them (David, writing in anguish. Psalm 56:8, Contemporary English Version).
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain (Revelation 21:4).
Some of our friends who didn't know the one we grieve don't know how to handle the new, sorrowful version of us. If you are one of our friends, here is what you should say: "I'm sorry." or "I'm so very sorry." or "I'm sorry and I am thinking and praying for you." You can even say, "I don't know what to say."
Send a card to your friend's home. Write some version of the words above. Send flowers to the funeral home, if you are moved to do so. If not, that's okay, but the very least you can do is send a card. Your friend is in a very hard place right now, and though a card seems an impossibly frail comfort, it actually lends a great deal of comfort.
If you live near your friend, bring a meal or two over. Make cookies or banana bread or muffins--breakfast and easy snack items are generally overlooked but would be welcomed by the family.
If you can alleviate your friend of certain chores, do so. Can you pick up the kids? Take them to practice? Mow the lawn? Babysit while your friend conducts death errands?
Kids are in pain, too. Offer comfort to them as well.
Hug your friend.
If you have sweet or funny anecdotes about the person they're grieving, share those stories. They mean so much. Hand write the story even if you've told them, and send it to them in the mail. They will keep it forever.
Let your friend talk about that person when they need to. If they suddenly need a topic change, allow it. Don't be hurt. Grief works in swells; your friend needs to talk but also to be free to escape the swell. Let them.
Acknowledging your friend's pain tells them that you care about them; their pain is valid; you care that they are in pain; the person they are grieving for was valuable. I encourage you to not be afraid of your friend who is hurting. If you don't know what to say or do, I hope you find the words above helpful. Your friend is in an extremely vulnerable place right now. Rise above your discomfort and help them; however, a few things can actually hurt your friend, so be wise, choose your words and actions carefully:
Do not avoid your friend. Their sorrow makes you uncomfortable; your avoidance makes them feel that you do not care about them; you don't think their grief is important; you don't recognize the value of the person they grieve.
Do not offer platitudes. "It was God's timing," "You can still talk to him; he's watching you from heaven!" "He's in a better place now." These are throwaway lines. They have no power and they do not help.
Do not interrogate your friend on the details of the death. If your friend doesn't mention the cause of death, you don't need that information. When or if your friend wants to share that with you they will.
Do not mention and then launch into your own grief story. Your friend is suffering NOW. Be selfless and pay attention to their grief. This is not the time for you to claim your crown of grief. This is your friend's time. Let them have it.
I hope anyone grieving has found some words of comfort in this post. And if you are a friend of someone grieving, I really do hope you've found this post helpful. Many people don't know what to do when their friend suffers a loss; the best thing you can do is to be there in simple, quiet ways.
Posted by Danette Haworth on Tuesday, March 04, 2014
The Deceit of Weather
O weather, you weather, thou fair weather friend--
your promise of sunshine I will never again
You betray me so.
'Twas outside sixty
and felt like snow.
Was a trick when once your ribbons unfurled
Ribbons of light and warmth that twirled
Enraptured me and made me whole
Today is gray and all are cold.
O weather, you weather, thou friend foul and fair
entrelacé your ribbons to braid in my hair.
Dash away gray and cold and the rain
Restoreth my heart and my soul once again.
Posted by Danette Haworth on Thursday, February 06, 2014
The State of Sunshine
To my friends up north
there's something you should know;
I'm sweating in the heat
while you start the snow blow.
Inside, outside, fun in the sun
but you wear your mittens
'cause it's twenty-one
My weather has bling.
Even when it rains,
there's a rainbow ring.
I know you've got it bad,
the wind so shrill.
I'm in O-town
and I am just chill.
So pack up your bags
and drive through the night.
Last one to leave,
turn out the light.
Posted by Danette Haworth on Monday, February 03, 2014
'Tis Eighty-Four Degrees
The golden yoke of our sun breaks aloud,
cleaving through wooly heads of thunder clouds.
Birds trill songs of gray winter, now gone,
our week of wintertide--degrees, fifty, or fifty-one.
Away with our mittens and cloaks, no more freeze;
still in our closets hang our tanks and capris.
Hear now my ladies, the heat--how it begs
We must to our razors, and shaveth our legs.
Posted by Danette Haworth on Sunday, February 02, 2014
I snapped this photo from a boardwalk overlooking the springhead at Blue Springs. More than a million gallons of water a day rush from the deep, creating this oasis--a Garden of Eden. Home to manatees during the winter, the year-round seventy-three degree water sometimes is host to upwards of two hundred manatee. Just don't call them sea cows. They hate that.
Posted by Danette Haworth on Sunday, February 02, 2014
For my Sima, my cherished friend whom we will remember today,
Sima, I counted you a sister, a friend, and a Christian--now I count you a saint. Whether we sleep in Christ to rise with Him later or whether we are immediately with Him--I know you are in the palm of God's hand.
You are one of most gracious persons I have ever known. I know you had many, many friends, but you made me feel special. Whenever we were together, I felt you there in the moment with me. Never judged; always loved--I treasure our friendship and guard it. And my family will never forget the comfort you offered us when my brother died.
You cared about people, and they felt it. You offered warmth and hospitality. Everyone who knows you knows your kindness, and you are the woman spoken of in Proverbs 31.
I loved our conversations, and how they'd cover things from the nature of sin, to our kids, to what was happening in the world (or at the movies!). It's easy to talk to you and hard to keep track of time. I remember one lunch we had, and how I didn't really notice that the crowd in the restaurant had changed over several times and the waiter kept filling my coffee long after our food was gone. We suddenly realized it had been more than three hours and we were almost late picking up our kids!
You are beautiful, inside and out. Your eyes are like onyx. You have a pretty little laugh. You are a good friend and a safe place, and I miss you, Sima.
Posted by Danette Haworth on Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Last night, I got to meet one of my comedy heroes, Sinbad!
He called me out during his bit on helping ladies with their problems after I shouted, "I cook supper. They don't eat, but later they fill up on ice cream!"
Man, is he quick! Asked me questions, flipped my answers into jokes, and solved my problem: "Don't cook for a week; if they don't notice, everybody have ice cream!"
My favorite new bit in his ninety minute set was how the butt holds it together for the rest of the body. "Your back goes out, you start falling, thinking about what bones in your body are about to break now and then the butt says, 'Hey! I got this!
"You never heard of anyone needing a butt replacement.'"
And there was so much more! He teased late comers, bantered with a very drunk audience member, and gave "advice" to different teens in the audience.
Three times I've seen Sinbad live. This was the first time I got to meet him. What an excellent night!
Posted by Danette Haworth on Saturday, December 21, 2013
I love my readers! From Shawntel:
My daughter, Alex, has just finished your book Violet Raines Almost Got Struck by Lightning. She is ten years old, eleven next month, and new to middle school. The book has helped her cope with changing schools and making new friends by understanding the motivations of the characters in your story. I want to thank you for writing a book that has made her want to read. Alex was able to identify with Violet so well, that she is struggling to find flaws in that character - it's very humorous. We have bought her dozens of chapter books in the past, but this is the first time that she has been excited to read and finish a book, on her own. I just wanted to take a moment to tell you what your writing has meant to my child. We are eager to find more of your work.
Shawntel later sent me a note saying Alex received 100% on her book report. YAY, Alex!
Posted by Danette Haworth on Friday, October 18, 2013
MY DARKNESS CALLS
Woke at four
Tried to sleep,
There was no more
To the kitchen I did sneak
Orange muffins I did make
Excitement of smell, so orangey, so good
Limit to one--okay, two--I should
Yet sleep dost call, I hear it nigh
Get ready for school, goodbye, goodbye
My darkness calls
and in it, dreams
They'll wait for me,
or so it seems.
Posted by Danette Haworth on Friday, August 30, 2013
Posted by Danette Haworth on Tuesday, August 13, 2013
I found a wonderful note from a reader today:
My name is Gracie, and I'm 9. I just read your book Violet Raines
Almost Got Struck By Lightning and I loved it. I love your way with
words! It seemed so real and I was sad when I finished it. I think you
should make a sequel to it or make another book starring Violet. I
can't stop thinking about the book it was so good. When I grow up, I
want to be an author, too, so please tell me how you write so well.
Please write me back, you're an awesome author!!!
Thank you, Gracie! My reply has been sent!
Posted by Danette Haworth on Sunday, August 04, 2013
An Ode to Lauren Fox for her Book Friends Like Us
A pox! A pox!
A pox on Lauren Fox!
I read your book
I read all night
It felt so good
It felt so right.
But then the morning sun
I could barely ope
So a pox on you
is what I offer,
my new favorite author.
Posted by Danette Haworth on Wednesday, May 22, 2013
I find I post almost daily on Facebook but rarely here anymore. I think it's because Facebook is a wholesale real-time blog reader, and it's trained me to keep going back by rewarding me with quick likes and comments. I read and comment on a lot of other people's FB posts, but I don't spend much time in the blogosphere anymore.
So I bought Demetri Marin's book, POINT YOUR FACE AT THIS Drawings by Demetri Martin. If you know his comedy, it's impossible to leaf through the pages without hearing his voice narrate the pictures, droll and deadpan. Some pictures are silly, some are the kind that you think "This is amusing," but your mouth is still a straight line, and others are poignant--revealing the author's misgivings about life, fame, and other things. I like it!
My beautiful Casey is being groomed even as we speak. I dropped her off, dropped kids off, walked in the door, and automatically reached down for Casey as I came in. I'm so used to her greeting me, it's become muscle memory. But she'll be home in a couple of hours.
Once, they SHAVED her. She looked like a skeleton dog. I emphasized NO RAZOR TO BE USED ON THIS DOG!
WARNING! STAR TREK SPOILERS!
Tiny Little Spoilers Ahead!
Turn Back Now!
Okay, now that the people who haven't seen Star Trek are gone, I can tell you: Yesterday, I was thinking about STAR TREK Into Darkness, and I realized this--everyone cries. Everyone cries! Did you notice tears leaking from the eyes of all main characters? OMG! Pike cries; Kirk cries; Spock cries; Uhura cries; Bones cries; Scotty wells up. Cry babies! Pull up your bootstraps! Kirk 1.0 wouldn't be crying!
Also, I didn't like the scene near the end SPOILER where Kirk is in the radiation tube dying, and he looks at Spock and says, "I'm scared." How much more poignant it would have been had he said nothing; had his eyes and painful/sorrowful grimaces done the talking, with surprise/sorrow/pain registering in response on Spock's face. I would have liked that a lot better.
But still, STAR TREK!
That is all for now. Today I'm starting on the critiques for the upcoming SCBWI Mid-Summer Workshop, a task I truly enjoy. There is something rewarding about spotting the talent in up-and-coming writers.
Have a great day!
Posted by Danette Haworth on Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Nothing buoys an author's spirit more than readers taking the time to post good things about their books. Leslie Santamaria recently reviewed A WHOLE LOT OF LUCKY:
"This book is so satisfying. Hailee and her friends are realistic characters dealing with the challenges of middle school in a variety of ways. Hailee's voice rings true, and I was pulling for her the whole way, even as she made mistakes. When her family wins the lottery, she thinks her life will become full of luxury, but her parents' choices surprise and stretch her, and she makes some wrong choices that eventually help her find her way home. Haworth's tightly poetic use of language and metaphor is delightful."
Thank you, Leslie!
Posted by Danette Haworth on Monday, April 15, 2013
I've just wrapped up an excellent Skype visit with Mr. Jensen and students from Hunting Ridge Elementary in Illinois, where, I'm told, it's thirty-three degrees. I'm always impressed by students like these: attentive, responsive and inquisitive. Hunting Ridge students: You made my day!
They looked all nice and comfy, draped on bean bags and lying on the floor. And they'd decorated the whiteboard for me! Thank you so much, Mr. Jensen and students, for the great session!
Posted by Danette Haworth on Thursday, March 07, 2013